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Thursday, October 20, 2011

Time to Update!


October 17, 2011 – Bush family update….

In an attempt to keep people in the loop and also ask for prayers, I hope I don’t share too much information! If this is TMI for some of you, I want to apologize in advance.

When you’re told that your child will not survive, so many thoughts enter your mind and some are too bold to shove to the back. When we first found out that Thomas would not be “compatible with life”, the thought of another child was the furthest thing from my mind, and most importantly, my heart. I had many people approach me and ask if we were going to have another baby and I couldn’t help but become puzzled by that because my Thomas hadn’t even been born yet; how in the world was I supposed to remotely think about the “next child” when he hasn’t even been given his chance on this earth?! I would be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about it myself, but I found it odd that perfect strangers would ask. I had thought about it, time and time again. Aaron and I spent hours discussing it because we have now lived a reality that most can’t even begin to comprehend. While pregnant with Thomas we researched adoption, we talked with the specialist about the chances of this reoccurring if we chose to try again and we talked about being happy with the family we already have and calling it quits; not a single one of these options brought a sense of peace over us until the day we had Thomas. There were moments in the hospital where Aaron and I had the joy of just sitting in a quiet room with our son and soaking him in, not many because he had so many visitors, but I cherish each quiet moment we had. In one of those moments Aaron looked at me and said he wanted to try again. The only reason this particular moment remains so vivid in my mind is because he was sold on adoption, he was too scared to relive the nightmare that we had been stuck in since January to even entertain the thought of trying again. To some, this might sound like one of the most selfish conversations for two parents to have as they hold their dying child, but until you’ve been where we’ve been, that’s not something you can judge. During those three days with our baby boy I was able to see who he might have been. I was able to find his personality. I was able to see how much he resembled Aaden when he was a newborn. I only got a tiny taste of my child and it left me wanting more. I am aching to have a child in my arms, I want to wake up every couple of hours to feed my newborn baby, I want to change diapers, I want to be the only person in the world that can sooth my little one when they’re upset; I want all the things that most parents of newborns complain about!

There is a term that I was completely unaware of until Thomas came into our lives and that term is, “Rainbow Baby”. By definition, a “Rainbow Baby” is a baby that is born after the loss of a previous child. Here is something beautiful I found online, the author is unknown, but I want to share it.

“Rainbow Babies” are the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it does not mean that the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and the clouds. Storm clouds may still loom over but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and much needed hope.

Some of you might be freaking out at this point, thinking that I’m announcing a pregnancy; sorry to disappoint, but no baby yet! Aaron and I have decided that it’s time to start trying for our Rainbow Baby and I ask that you keep us in your prayers. Please pray that we are blessed with a fat, healthy baby in the near future! This might be one of the scariest roads of this journey; we now know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that healthy babies are truly a miracle!! 

12 comments:

  1. Holly, I have been praying for your and Aaron's "rainbow" for sometime now. Having experienced a "rainbow" I call "Sam", I must say, there really will be a "pot of gold" when you see yours.
    With love, Bev Chesnut

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  2. My step mom and mother in law and a friend all have rainbow babies. I wish y'all the best and I am so glad that you both want to extend your family.

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  3. im praying for your family everyday and little Thomas also, and i know in my heart that god will bless you with a beautiful child! god never takes away without giving back twice the blessing!! i truly believe that in my heart. bless you and thanks again for sharing your familys story =)

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  4. Dear sweet Holly, I know I have told you this once before but I feel like I can't tell you enough just how proud I am of you and how much you inspire me. Your strength, love and faith is a true testimony to all of us. I have no idea what it is like to lose a child but I watched the struggles and hurt my parents endured after Wayne was taken from them. I know that he was much older than Thomas but no matter their age, no parent should have to lose a child. I understand the grief, doubt and emptiness that comes with that loss. You have handled your self with such dignity and grace and you should be proud of yourself for that. You truly are an inspiration to myself and to so many others. You should NEVER feel guilty or judged for wanting another child. Just because you have another baby does NOT mean that you are trying to replace Thomas. He has already secured his place in your heart and nothing or no one will change that. You have such a big heart that has plenty of room to share with another child. I am so happy for you and you always are in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong sweetie and know that you are truly loved and admired. You are so special to so many and you deserve all the happiness this life has to offer. Love ya girl -Melody

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  5. We've never met, I am a friend of Amber's from her student etbu days, but I have cried and laughed and prayed with you during your journey. I will continue to pray for you all as you begin this next step.

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  6. I don't even know you, and I'm so excited for you! I think it's awesome, each family has to make the "right" decision for "their" family. I will continue to pray for your precious family for healing and for a happy healthy baby.

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  7. Thank you all so very much! We're very excited and so very scared; prayers are needed at this point! Prayers for patience and understanding through this process and above all, for a happy and HEALTHY rainbow baby!!! Aaden is so ready for a little brother or sister and I am literally aching for that!

    Holly

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  8. Oh Holly! How exciting! I'm looking forward to hearing about that Rainbow Baby....when he/she is on the way, that is!

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  9. Of course...we have been praying for longer than you know for this sweet baby, but Thomas will forever be in our hearts, of course. We love you dearly!

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  10. Praying for you as you try again. It can be a scary road but also wonderful too. My husband and I decided before Carleigh was born we would try again right away.

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  11. I'm 24 weeks preg with our rainbow baby :)
    I'm saying a prayer for your family right now, please pray for us :)

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  12. Thank you all so much!!! Jessica....I know you have been praying for this baby and I cannot wait for us to have the chance to hold this one in our arms....all of us!! I'm ready to share my little one with anyone that wants a little piece!! Thank you all for the prayers and Jamie, we will be praying for you guys; I find it exciting to hear about other people's rainbow babies!!!

    Holly

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