Follow by Email

Thursday, April 28, 2011

04-28-11 / A Play By Play Of The Worst Week Of My Life…….

04-28-11 / A Play By Play Of The Worst Week Of My Life…….

I would say the worst week of my life but I’m going to start with Good Friday –

Good Friday proved to live up to it’s name, it was pretty decent!! Aaden and I had the day to ourselves, which meant we would sleep in, and then do whatever we wanted! We were supposed to go see the Easter Bunny, because I put it off to the last minute this year, and then we would be paying the movie theater a visit with one of my dear friends and her little girl; we had to skip the Easter Bunny in order to get to the movie in time, in true Holly fashion! Being exceptionally late paid off this time because that particular show was “sold out” but I knew that Shawna had saved two seats for Aaden and I so they just let us in free, free is always more fun! Once the movie was over we had to pay the Easter Bunny a visit because I had already told Aaden that we would. We stood in a long line for about 45 minutes and I could have sworn Parkdale mall had the heat on, misery. It was finally our turn for the bunny and Aaden ran up to him, climbed in his lap and started chatting away; so precious. He then turned around with a giant grin on his face and screams, “he said yes mommy, he said yes!” To clear things up, the Easter Bunny had just confirmed that he would be delivering a “pop and arrow” on Easter morning, for those wondering what a “pop and arrow” is, it’s a bow and arrow that my son has been dying for since watching the movie Tangled. This meant that this mama had to begin the hunt for a pop and arrow before Sunday! Once we were finished with the bunny Aaron texts to inform me that he will be forced to work 18 hour shifts for the rest of the weekend, this is where things starting sliding downhill and not in a good way. He had left that morning at 4am to get to work and he didn’t come home until 11:30 that night, he then got back up to leave for work Saturday morning at 4am; this cycle repeated all weekend, meaning he missed out on all of Aaden’s Easter activities.
 
Saturday –

This day was ok, not great, not terrible, just ok. It really should have qualified as a great day considering all the activities but I felt like I was in another world all day and couldn’t snap out of it. I sat outside watching the kids play in the mud all day long and was having a tough time enjoying that, this is something I would normally love doing. I just didn’t feel like myself. We got them all in and cleaned up so they could dye Easter eggs, another activity I typically love but I just couldn’t get into it. I don’t think I said more than about 10 words all day long, maybe I did and I just don’t remember it.

Easter Sunday –

This day was hard, very hard! I haven’t been out to my parents’ church since we found out that Thomas has anencephaly and I don’t think I was prepared to see the faces of all the people I love so much. We were late to church, nothing new there, but I was feeling the urge to slip out early! I didn’t know if I could face everyone. It wasn’t just your typical “we love you and are praying for you” conversations, I could see the pain on their faces, I could feel the love that they all have for my family; that was so hard on me for some reason. As I’ve stated many times, I don’t cry in front of others so I choked back the tears as best I could; I’m sure they could all see right through it. Once church was over we headed to my parents house for lunch and egg hunts, my heart felt so heavy, the worst week of my life was about to begin. The worst part of the entire day was that Aaron couldn’t be with us, he missed Aaden hunting eggs, he’s not in any of our family Easter pictures, he had to miss it all. He hated it as much as I did, if not more.

Monday –


I had no idea that this particular Monday would be so very hard on me. I got up and got moving, but reluctantly. It seemed like everyone has been able to live in a fairy tale land for the last 4 months, we have all been able to enjoy talking about how hard Thomas is on my body and partake in pregnancy jokes directed at me. I knew today would be different, but I didn’t realize it until I got in my car to drive to work, today was the day that we all had to face reality. I finally made it to work where I sat in my car, stuck, just like in the beginning of all of this! I couldn’t make myself go into work, I didn’t want to walk in to a building filled with people that love me and are hurting for me. Judy finally came and forced me out of the car and into my room, that’s as far as I got all day. I sobbed at my table all day long. I haven’t had a day like that in forever. I couldn’t leave my room; I was frozen at my table for hours. It wasn’t just a bit of crying where you dab the tears from your face, it was all out sobbing, the kind where you can’t really breathe and you get all splotchy; at least I do. It’s the ugly cry! A few people came down to my room to tell me they love me and that I needed to go home. Some couldn’t bring themselves to come down there, which is completely understandable. I decided to finally call it a day and went home where I slept for the rest of the afternoon. The only reason I decided to wake up was because we had one last ultrasound scheduled with my sweet friend Brandy at Sneak a Peek. I almost backed out, I almost called and said it was more than I could take to see him but I didn’t; best decision I’ve ever made.


We got there and I was so nervous. The last images we got of him weren’t so promising, he looked sad and unhealthy, they left me feeling sad and a little disappointed; this day turned out way better. He was beautiful!!! He is so fat, his cheeks look just like Aadens and the rolls on his arms are almost more than I can handle, he is just perfect! To say I can’t wait to squeeze him is an understatement; I will kiss his sweet lips and cheeks until it makes him mad. When I saw how beautiful he was and how healthy he looked my outlook on this week changed a little bit. When Aaron and I got in the car I think I was obnoxiously happy, he didn’t seem to share in my excitement. When I asked him how he felt about these images all he said was, “I think part of me hopes when we come here that we will see that there is nothing wrong with him”, I have to admit that I have that tiny bit of hope in the back of my mind too. I still have a small amount of hope that when Dr. Sherman delivers him she will shout in excitement that he has been healed, I think that’s only human. Our human desire is to keep him, we just want to have him and watch him grow. My parents were able to attend this ultrasound and I was super excited about that, I was so happy that they got to see him so healthy and peaceful. We left from there and went to dinner, I think I might have been the only one that was so excited about it all; for just a little while I forgot that he wasn’t perfectly healthy and focused on his chunky face that I will always love.

That evening we had Brandon and Nikki Hanson over to discuss our son’s funeral service. I have known these two wonderful people forever it seems, they were brought into my life so many years ago for this very moment. Brandon will be leading the service for Thomas and I don’t have any way to thank him for that. I know it will be very hard on him, he expressed that to us in our meeting; said he might have to gather himself during the service here and there. When we first found out about our baby I had several people ask if my dad would be doing the services. I wanted to offer that to him but at the same time I didn’t want him to feel obligated; this has all been so hard on both of my parents, I did’t think he could handle it. So when I approached dad with it I simply let him know that if he didn’t think he’d be up to it I would get Brandon to do it, he quickly said we should talk to Brandon. Our meeting with Brandon and Nikki went so well, he shared his heart on how he wanted the service to go and asked us if it was ok with us; it sounded perfect to me. My sweet boy will have an amazing service to honor his short life here.

Fast forward to Today –

How did I spend my entire afternoon? Snuggling one of the sweetest baby boys ever! My dear friend, Jessica, had baby Wyatt last Monday and I have been waiting impatiently to meet him. I was sick when he was born and was just now feeling well enough to go love on him. The special thing about Wyatt is that he was supposed to be Thomas’s best friend, we were due to have them roughly 6 weeks apart and we just knew we could plan their future friendship piece by piece. When we found out about Thomas’s diagnosis I instantly began longing for the feeling of holding a newborn in my arms. I think I bugged Jessica daily about her progress, I wanted Wyatt here and he wasn’t coming fast enough. I have started having uncontrollable urges to hold perfect strangers babies, anyone that knows me well, knows this is totally out of character for me. I’m not one to ooooohhhh and aaaahhhh over a random baby, but my body and heart is just longing for that snuggly feeling of holding a baby. Today was medicine for my soul, I was able to hold Wyatt as long as I wanted and I can’t describe how good that made me feel. I think some might think that would make me sad, but it didn’t, it just brought an indescribable peace over me.

Once I got home the madness began, laundry, dishes, packing and preparing. I am so thankful for my skill of procrastination today; my mind was too busy to get sad! We finally got all of the laundry done so I won’t have to deal with it when we get home and we’re all packed up; time to face the reality of it all, ready or not! Our family came over with a wonderful dinner and we all laughed and visited like nothing is wrong.

A dear friend sent this to me tonight – “what you and Aaron will face in the morning is new to you, but it is not to God. He made it part of your life’s story a long time ago”. This is so true; God knew this was coming long before I even knew I wanted children. Even if I am far from prepared, He is more than prepared to carry us through it.

Please keep us in your prayers throughout the upcoming weeks. Pray for strength, courage, peace and calm. Pray that we are able to attend to our children that we are so blessed to already have and are able to answer their innocent questions in a way that they will understand. Pray that our marriage will become stronger than ever and we are able to see the silver lining in all of this. Pray that through this, Thomas’s life was not for nothing, pray that he has been a tool of God in all of this and will continue to do God’s work beyond his life on this earth. Above all, please pray at this very moment that our family is able to enjoy every single moment we have with him here, that our memories will only be happy ones and we will be able to speak of our angel baby and smile.

Thank you all for your love and support through all of this! You will never know what it has meant to my family. As I sit here typing this he is kicking the mess out of my ribs, oh how I will miss that. As much as I hate being pregnant I just wish I could stay pregnant forever to avoid the pain of saying goodbye to my baby boy.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

04-20-11 / The Home Stretch…




04-20-11 / The Home Stretch…..

We went in today for our last appointment with Dr. Sherman, we have mixed emotions about it. I think many moms would agree with me when I say that during pregnancy your ob/gyn and their staff become like family; you tend to see them more than some of your family! We have grown so close to these people and they have been so amazingly wonderful to our family, I can’t imagine not going in there at least once every 2 weeks! On top of that feeling, we now have to face the reality that the end is near. A time when we should be jumping for joy because we’re at the final stages of crankiness, discomfort and misery of pregnancy, we’re overcome with dread and the stress of the unknown.

Today was an odd day to say the least. I spent most of the day in the bed because I’m so sick I can’t even drive myself to work, apparently some viral infection that’s floating around, and Aaron spent his day tending to Aaden. Today was Aaden’s first Easter party and I didn’t want him to miss it so him and Aaron loaded up and flew to Orange to attend his little class party; the things we do for our kids! When they got back we had to start getting ourselves ready for our visit to Dr. Sherman, this means I have to put a face on so I don’t scare onlookers and Aaden has to pack a bag full of toys. As we were going up in the elevator there was a woman and her baby girl headed to the 4th floor with us. She struck up a conversation with Aaden about his gun that he was clicking repeatedly and then came the dreaded question; “are you having a baby brother or sister?” I am used to these questions because I’m the one with the visible physical attribute that screams, “I’m pregnant, ask me what I’m having”. I could feel Aaron tense up almost instantly, I immediately said, “can you tell her you’re having a brother?” I don’t remember what she said from there because I was trying to avoid any further discussion. I don’t think we went in with any questions, but as always, we came up with a few. We have all been wondering exactly how this will all go down on delivery day and I think Dr. Sherman is as worried as we are about it going just the way we want. At our last visit she expressed to us that Thomas would have to go to the nursery for just a few minutes for them to give him a look over and make the official “diagnosis” and I was so uneasy about that. I started thinking of the worst-case scenario; what if he passes away while they’re “diagnosing” him instead of in our arms? That was something that I couldn’t allow to happen, I needed to spend every living moment with my baby and I think Aaron was feeling the same level of unease about it. That was relieved today when we spoke with our sweet doctor, she actually brought it up, we didn’t even mention it. She basically said she didn’t see any reason why we couldn’t keep him with us at all times. I can’t even express the level of relief I felt at that very moment! She did say that they would take a few moments in the operating room to look him over and do what they needed to do, but then he was all ours! He will go with us into the recovery room and then we will all go together to our room where we just wait, I loathe waiting!
 
Once we were finished with Dr. Sherman we had to head over to the hospital to get registered for delivery day, this is where things got uncomfortable. The girl that brought us back to register us for our time at the hospital clearly had no idea that our baby wasn’t going to survive. It was written as plain as day on the paper she was staring at, anencephaly, but she’s just the girl that signs people in, she doesn’t understand the medical lingo apparently. She began asking us all the typical questions, but before she started the questions she said, “congratulations”, to which I said “thank you” and Aaron said nothing! She asked about the sex of the baby and then asked if we were excited, this is one question I haven’t gotten yet and it was painful to answer. I simply let her know that we were nervous and gave a simple giggle and left it at that. As Aadenok because I am with him all the time and I face the situation every waking moment and sometimes in my sleep. This has allowed me to begin healing. I have had my time with him, I still long to hold him and smell him and kiss his tiny lips, but I’ve been able to bond with him in a way that nobody else has and during this bonding I have been able to come to terms with the fact that he’s not mine to keep. My prayer now is that I can help Aaron through all of this. He text me the other day expressing how helpless he feels that there’s nothing he can do for his little boy. He then asked how he would feel once he’s held him and then has to watch him die. At first I was wondering why these questions were just now dawning on him, they cross my mind 24/7, I literally picture the last moments of his life over and over and over in my head; how is he just now facing this? I have to say it’s because he hasn’t had to face it, he’s able to go to work and pretend life is good, I get to go to work and bring reality with me; we are two people going through the same pain in two very different ways.   

04-20-11 / Photo Frenzy….

04-20-11 / Photo Frenzy….






I’ve been bragging on my friends left and right lately but here I go again! We spent last Wednesday evening at the beach with my good friend Casey, she’s an amazing photographer that offered to capture some of our moments with Thomas. She, along with another photographer friend of mine, will be there the day Thomas is born to capture as many angels of his life as they possibly can. She wanted to capture a scene that portrayed a family and their “day at the beach”. I was quite nervous about these pictures because I’m not one of those people that look amazing in candid photos, I’m the type of person that only looks good if I’m smiling just right and tilting my head slightly to the left! She did an amazing job capturing my family’s “day at the beach”. Her photos are breath taking and I want to share her website with all of you. Please visit http://www.hautephotography.net/blog/ to view all of our pictures; make sure your volume is turned up when you view the slideshow!
 
When we first found out we were pregnant I started contemplating whether or not we would do maternity pictures. As the weeks progressed and I began getting bigger faster than I did with Aaden, I quickly decided against maternity pictures! My argument was that I would have tons of pictures from birth on that it wasn’t important to photograph myself in my worst physical state! As soon as we found out the unimaginable and unchangeable fate of our son I decided I wanted maternity pictures, even if I do feel fat and ugly. Casey and I started chatting about these pictures a few months ago and finally came up with a date that worked for both of us; we were also lucky enough to get Kamryn for the day so she could be in them with us. It was important to me that Thomas’s entire family be in these pictures. I am so very thankful for the friends I have, I know I’ve said it many times over, but I really am!  

Thank you Casey for capturing these moments for us! I will always cherish these pictures! I don’t know if you will ever know how much they mean to me!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

04-12-11 / Oh How I Love My WOSE Family…..


04-12-11 / Oh How I Love My WOSE Family…..

It seems that I have spent quite a bit of time bragging on my large support system lately but I am blessed beyond measure. I not only have an amazing blood family, I have an amazing extended family. I mentioned how Aaron and I have different groups of friends that never seem to run in the same circles; I got to spend this afternoon and evening with a small part of my “work friends”. As a Speech Therapist I get the opportunity to know most of the staff on our campus. I have friends on each grade level, in the office, cafeteria staff, custodial staff, technology group and administrators; I cherish each of them. I love my West Orange Stark Elementary FAMILY. We truly are a family, we spend more time with one another than we do our actual families; sad but true. Matter of fact, as the state of Texas has made the foolish decision to cut spending in education and our family has been torn apart by lay-offs; we have all been made more aware of how much we really do love each other.

My room is positioned on the 1st grade hall and I have had the pure joy of becoming close friends with many of those teachers over the last few years. In recent months, we have tried to get together here and there for some “girl time”; aka, time away from the kids! We finally found a night that worked for all of us to be away from our families for a little while and decided on pedicures and dinner! As always, we spent the entire time laughing and behaving like total idiots; we’re all teachers and mothers to young children, this is a definite earned few hours of mindless conversation. As we piled out of our cars I noticed that Jenn had a giant gift bag that was clearly meant to hold a baby gift, I immediately began giving myself a pep talk in my head to ensure that I wouldn’t cry and ruin our good time. I had no idea what was in the bag, but I knew it was something other than she was claiming it to be. I knew it was something sweet and thoughtful that my girls had gotten for me; it was far more than that.

We sat down and ordered drinks and then they handed over the bag. I was honestly dreading opening it because I absolutely hate crying in front of people. I don’t care how long we’ve known each other and how much we love each other, I just prefer to keep my crying moments to myself. I immediately saw that it was a keepsake box, which I was amped up about since Thomas has gotten so many gifts and I need a special place to store them. As I opened it I got a tad bit overwhelmed. Inside was something called a prayer ring, I have never seen anything like it but I can honestly say it was an amazing gift to receive. It consisted of a pretty ribbon and all these cards attached. Each card was from a different member of my WOSE family and for obvious reasons I opted not to read any of them until I got home; I’m glad I waited because I cried like a baby. Not tears of sadness, sometimes it’s just tough for me to comprehend how much I am loved. As I started to dig, there were so many little gifts that meant so much to me, I love receiving gifts from people that truly know me! We received a year membership to the Houston Zoo, anyone that knows us well knows that we frequent the zoo more than your average family; this covers every single zoo we go to! We received two gift cards to two of our favorite places, one to bounce zone and one to chick-fil-a; might seem like odd gifts to some, but our family time is very important to us and these are places we enjoy spending time together. I will not forget to mention the puff paint, which has a funny story behind it that would mean nothing to anyone but me so I’ll spare you the details! Last but not least, there was a card enclosed with a restaurant gift certificate and a generous gift of cash. They were all quick to say that the staff on our campus had been giving for several months and they wanted us to spend it however we wanted. As I’ve mentioned several times in the past, it’s so humbling to be in this situation; I’d much rather be the one giving but feel very blessed to have friends that are much like myself and also love giving. They have all stepped up to the plate to help in any way possible and I will never have the words to show my true appreciation for that.

I cannot imagine being an employee anywhere else during this journey, I am surrounded by genuine love and concern. I work with and for wonderful people. I will never be able to express how I feel in spoken words and I’m not real sure I’ve done too great expressing it here. I just hope that my “work friends” know how much I love them, I hope they know that I don’t always say the right things and I don’t always express my feelings but I could never find a better group of people to spend so much of my time with. Good friends are hard to come by and I am truly the luckiest girl in the world. I have great friends surrounding me, no matter which friend circle they run in; they’re all amazing!   

                   




  

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

04-05-11 / Are my "Thomas moments" beginning?


04-05-11 / Are my "Thomas moments" beginning?

I was chatting with my assistant principal the other day, the one that lost her daughter a few years back, and she shared some stories with me. She was saying how she will get these little “signs”, so to speak, from her daughter and they call them “Tory moments”. She shared many of them with me and they gave me chills. She told me that I will have “Thomas moments”, ones where I feel him around me; I wasn’t sure how I felt about having these moments but after last night I think I will enjoy them.

I had my first Thomas dream. Aaron said he has them all the time; he says we’re always in a corner, I’m on a bed and he’s sitting next to me holding the baby and Kamryn and Aaden are always there too. He’s never shared that with me before today when I told him that I had a vivid dream about him last night. My dream was so pleasant, I remember feeling so much comfort and happiness and making myself wake up to reality was tough; that’s the thing about good dreams, they end. In my dream, his physical appearance was just as I’ve pictured him; incomplete with some facial deformities, but to me he was absolutely breathtakingly adorable. I didn’t even have a hat on him, which is a big deal because I have been stressing out about making sure I don’t see that particular part of him; I loved on him just the way he was. One of the parents from the elementary school where I work made him some cloth diapers that are so sweet and soft; he had one of those on and nothing else. He was so happy; he smiled and made all the sweet baby noises that every other newborn baby makes. We weren’t at the hospital, we were at a place that resembled Disney World, not really sure what that means. All I remember is him bringing me so much joy, it wasn’t a sad day as I’ve pictured it to be; it was just pure and simple joy. One of the medically known facts about these babies is that they are typically born deaf and blind, although I know he has a far more severe birth defect that will ultimately steal him from me; it bothers me to think he will never see or hear me. In this dream he was blind, but he could hear my voice; he wasn’t deaf!! When I would speak to him he would respond, most of the time with a smile but sometimes he would just move his head in for a tighter snuggle. I don’t remember who all was there with us and I’m not sure that it matters, I’m going to view this dream as a “sign” that he will hear my voice, he will find comfort in me while he’s here. I want to believe that he will have his hearing; he will at least hear the voice of each person that whispers to him how much he is loved.

Maybe this is the first of many “Thomas moments” for me; as long as they are all this pleasant I will welcome them with open arms. I remember after my Paw Paw died, when I was much younger, I would have such vivid dreams of him that I would have to remind myself that he was really gone. I know most people do that when they lose someone that they love so much; that’s how this dream was. I enjoyed it so much that when I woke up I found myself falling into deep sorrow. I had to remind myself that it was only a dream and in the very near future I will get to hold him, snuggle him, kiss him and whisper to him, all before letting him go. That’s more like a nightmare!

"You are valuable because you exist.
Not because of what you do or what you have done
but simply because you are.”  - Max Lucado

Monday, April 4, 2011

04-04-11 / Benefit for Baby Thomas.....


04-04-11 / Benefit for Baby Thomas

I have been lazy lately, trying to focus on my good days and selfishly not wanting to sit and write. In the midst of pain and anguish I find peace in writing but when I find myself enjoying one wonderful day after the next, the last place I want to be is sitting at the computer; especially when those days are full of sunny days to be outside with my boy. I know many people are following our story this way and I apologize for disappearing for a while.







This weekend was one of the best I’ve had since January 5th. We literally spent the entire weekend with family and friends, laughing until it hurt. I have come to realize, through this journey in my life, that we are surrounded by so many people that love us; we have multiple groups of friends that never run in the same circles but they all love us the same. I have learned many valuable lessons through this ordeal and I have to say the most valuable is that I can let go and allow others to step in and help. I am a doer/giver, I like to be the one offering to help as much as possible; I am not good at the role of taker/recipient. When we first found out that our baby had Anencephaly, one of my good friends stepped up and organized two weeks worth of meals through the girls at the church; this alone was a bit hard for me to swallow. Anyone that knows me knows that I do not cook; Aaron is stuck with that responsibility. I am, however, aware that it is a lot of work to prepare a meal for your own family, and an even harder task preparing a meal for a family of perfect strangers. One of the ladies that brought dinner one night helped me become a more graceful recipient. She told me that we were blessing her by allowing her to prepare a meal for our family. She said that so many people want to help us through this time but all they can do is offer prayers and the occasional meal. She expressed how helpless it feels to know that someone is going through something like this and you can’t do anything to ease their pain; then continued to thank us for allowing her to prepare our dinner. For me, it seemed odd, I would never think to thank someone for allowing me to prepare their dinner; I loathe cooking!

All of this having been said, our group of friends that we lovingly refer to as the WT gang, brought a proposal to my mother a while back. Knowing me, they weren’t sure how I would respond to it. They emailed her saying that they wanted to do something but they didn’t know how to approach it because they knew how I felt about receiving handouts. Their concern was a financial one, they were aware that there would be bills piling up once he’s born and they wanted to ease that burden a little bit. They weren’t really sure how they wanted to go about it, but they wanted to check with mom before approaching me. One evening while Aaron and I were at my parents, my mom pulled us into her computer room to read the email that she had received; the warm fuzzy feelings we got were accompanied by our natural urge to decline any assistance. Aaron quickly said that we could handle it, we have insurance and what insurance wouldn’t pay, well, we would cross that bridge when we came to it. I began thinking about my conversation with the lady I previously mentioned and realized that this was their way of taking part, their way of doing something in order to lift that feeling of helplessness. We decided to be receptive and from that came the events of this weekend. We held a massive garage sale!


I personally only had to share my story with one person and I could visibly see her heart break. She was a very pretty girl that was carrying her little baby in a pouch in front of her. I’m not sure how she stumbled on me, I’m wanting to say that my mom pointed her in my direction but I’m not completely clear on that. I just remember hearing the dreaded words coming from her face, “can you tell me a little bit about Baby Thomas?” Aaaaaahhhhhh!! The day was more than halfway over and I had dodged this bullet all day long, here was the moment of truth; would I hold it together or fall apart? I spoke quite matter of factly to her, I’m sure almost coming across as callused and cold. I shared with her that he has a fatal birth defect and would pass away shortly after he was born, this is when I saw her fall apart. She was trying not to cry, but being a mommy herself to a fairly new baby, I think it was more than she wanted to comprehend. She started waving her hands in front of her face in an attempt to dry the already falling tears and apologized for crying. She squeezed me tightly then looked at me and said something to the tune of, our God can heal and that’s what I’m going to pray for. I shared with her that we believe that as well and that one way or another, our baby will be complete, whether God chooses to heal him now or He chooses to have him bypass earth all together and heal him in heaven; my baby will be the picture of perfect health either way. I think that was all she could handle because she handed me the money for what she had purchased and let me know again that she would be praying for a miracle and she hoped to be hearing of him being born healthy and complete. She walked away wiping her tears with a burp cloth in true mommy form. I was so dreading that encounter but I’m so thankful that it happened. Sometimes it does the heart and soul some good to see that there are people out there that just love, they don’t need to know you to love you, they just have love in their heart for everyone and everything. She was one of those people.
 
The entire day was a humbling experience. I watched a group of people rise and shine long before they needed or wanted to on a Saturday to help my family. I watched people that appeared far less fortunate than Aaron and myself, purchasing things that would assist in our stack of bills that have already started coming in. I watched little children wheeling and dealing, which was quite cute. One little old man apparently walked up to Granny (Lauren’s precious grandma) and gave a donation of .50, telling her “this is for that baby”. Being raised in a Baptist preacher’s home, living across the parking lot from the church in the parsonage and in a not so great neighborhood at that; I am used to watching this type of generosity but I’ve never been the recipient of it. Every single person that took part in this benefit touched my heart, I’m not good with spoken words so I don’t think I relayed that message clearly; I want everyone to know that my family is loved, my sweet baby boy is loved and one happy thing that can come from this situation is that all he will ever know of this earth is true love.