06-21-11 / What a trying day……
As a mom, these days are sometimes more frequent than we’d like! I woke up with a pounding headache and my face felt like it might explode due to a lovely amount of snot build-up in my sinuses; glamorous, I know. I was so excited about just lying in bed while Aaron and Aaden hit the gym; after all, I hadn’t slept a wink all night long. It seems I can’t lay my head down anymore and just sleep, that “sleep” has to be accompanied with strange dreams that leave me feeling exhausted every single morning; last night was no different. It’s creating a very cranky mommy and wife! I’m beginning to feel overwhelmed by housework, yard work, bills and everything that goes along with being an adult, today it was mommyhood!
Today was one of those days where Aaden, who I fondly refer to as “the boy” most of the time, wants to cry about everything; literally cry! I’m one of those moms that would like to see blood or a broken bone if I hear this type of crying, it’s not music to my ears; it drives me nuts! Every single time I turned around today he was crying over something. He decided it was a good idea to smack Mailee, the new puppy, in the face and when she bit him, he cried. My response to that was, I would have bitten you too so suck it up. He spilled his bubbles outside and instead of just asking if I could grab him more bubbles he immediately went into a state of panic, screaming like someone was trying to kidnap him. When I told him he could not have gummies accompanied with macaroni and cheese for dinner, another meltdown. We decided to make a late night run to sonic so I could grab a Cherry Coke and he could have some sweet tea; a drop of his tea landed on his foot and, you guessed it, sobbing began!! Days like this make me want to lock myself in my room until the entire house is asleep; I wasn’t so fortunate so I had to regroup and refocus.
So many people have emailed me sharing how our story has inspired them and made them re-evaluate how they view their own children. I’m like any other parent; I have days where I just want to put blinders on, earplugs in and completely deny the fact that I have children. Some days, as a parent, are simply too hard and I want to throw in the towel. The difference between a good parent and a bad parent is this, a good parent has those thoughts then puts on their big kid pants and pushes through; a bad parent can’t do that. I don’t think having bad days with your children makes you a bad parent; I think it makes you normal. I can say that Thomas taught me that at the end of the day, especially days like this, I need to take the time to make sure I acknowledge the things I love most about my children.
Aaden is the type of kid that lives each moment with passion, passionate kids can be amazing as long as their passion is of a positive nature. Today he clearly wasn’t feeling terribly positive but as we were getting ready for bed I was reminded of who he really is. Every single night I read to him, I let him pick two books; he always picks his bible and most of the time he picks a dinosaur book. Tonight he conveniently picked 4 books; the bible, dinosaur book, bug book and rainbow book; stalling much?? As I was getting ready to tell him that I was not reading 4 books and he was just trying to stay up later, I quickly caught a glimpse of the beautiful reality that I’m blessed to have this time with him. I will never get to read any books to Thomas, I will never get to tell him no to 4 books because we only read 2, I will never get to tell him the very cool story of David and Goliath (boys think it’s super cool because of the weapons and death by stones), I will never get to tell him I will read 4 stories only if he gives me kisses, I will never get to lay next to Thomas at night until he falls asleep. The things I will never get to do with my precious angel help me take note of them when the opportunity arises with Aaden.
After our stories were read, I showed him some pictures of my friend’s baby girl; she is due to have another heart operation on July 5th and is only 3 months old! When I first pulled up her picture he got super excited and said, “is that baby Thomas?” I told him it wasn’t baby Thomas but it was baby Harper and she has a bobo on her heart; the look on his face melted my heart. He said he didn’t like that and he wanted her fixed. That’s the passion I’m talking about. He loves from the right place. He doesn’t know baby Harper but he absolutely does not like the fact that she has a bobo on her heart. He sleeps with a baby doll that we got him for Christmas to prepare him to be a big brother, we got it before we knew that Thomas was sick; his doll has a special name; baby Thomas. I catch him feeding him and rocking him. He talks to him like he’s a real baby. Before Thomas was born I couldn’t get him to touch that doll, now it seems to fill a void for him; a void that he probably doesn’t even know exists. Aaron said when they were leaving the gym today Aaden spotted his keychain with Thomas’ picture on it and asked if it was baby Thomas; when Aaron said it was Aaden took it from him and kissed it. When we go to the cemetery he knows we are there to see Thomas but I know he doesn’t “get it”; when we left on Father’s Day he said, “bye baby Thomas, I love you.” He looked at me the other day and said, “mommy, you’re the best” and he tells me I’m beautiful and I’m his favorite all the time. Aaron asked him earlier today if he was his boy and he quickly said, “no, I’m mama’s boy”. It really depends on which day you catch him on because he goes back and forth between being mama’s boy and daddy’s boy. When I don’t feel well he hugs me and says I need to go see Dr. Derrick so I will feel better. When Aaron and I look sad, he’s sad with us. His heart is pure and honest. These are the things I love about my son. His passion can be frustrating but the good that comes from it far outweighs the bad.
As my blogs become more about our family on earth, please know that our family on earth is what it is today because of our angel in heaven. My bond with my children has never been stronger and my marriage has never been better; all thanks to Thomas, the most amazing baby I’ve ever had the pleasure of holding in my arms.