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Wednesday, June 29, 2011

06-29-11 / Bad Idea #2,928,876…….

06-29-11 / Bad Idea #2,928,876…….

Today has been full; full of absolute fun! We started the day at Bounce Zone with great friends where we ended our time with them at Chic-Fil-A. We then headed home to get ready to head to the gym and from there we went to Adam and Heather’s house for dinner; amazing day to say the least! Between the gym and dinner the cleaning bug bit me, this rarely happens so I must act on it when it does. As I started the process of cleaning our disaster of a house I started looking at some uncharted territory in our bedroom, wishing it would handle itself; not going to happen!

The weekend that Thomas was born, and in the months leading up to his birth and passing, we were showered with gifts from family, good friends and perfect strangers; you wouldn’t believe the amount of stuff we have for our angel. I have been meaning to buy a keepsake chest to store everything in but haven’t acted on those intentions just yet. I have a giant drawer at the foot of my bed that is filled to the max and the items that couldn’t be forced in there have made their way into boxes at the top of my bed; today I felt it was time to go through those boxes. I put it off until around midnight tonight and by then I had built up the courage to begin digging; this is how I torture myself late at night!!!!

I thought I was ready, I thought by now I could handle what was in those boxes, I thought wrong! I have been weepy off and on all day long and have not been able to put my finger on a reason for it when roughly 30 minutes ago it dawned on me; today my Thomas would have been 2 months old. It’s amazing how my body knows I should be sad long before my brain knows it. My body knows that I should be gleaming with pride when my baby smiles at me, my body knows that I should get all warm inside when he turns his head at the simple sound of my voice in an attempt to catch a glimpse of his mommy, my body knows that instead of smelling like perfume I should reek of spit up, my body knows that I should be sleep deprived because I have a demanding 2 month old taking the place of my sleep but instead I have the curse of insomnia and when I do sleep I’m awakened by nightmares that won’t allow me to get any sleep, ultimately, my body knows that I should be up feeding my selfish and demanding baby instead of blogging about how much I miss him. I’m constantly blown away at the fact that my body is so far ahead of my brain. I certainly wish my brain would catch up with my body because I don’t like the way these milestone days sneak up on me; I’d much rather be prepared for them.

Happy 2 month birthday my angel boy; I know you’re celebrating all your “firsts” in the arms of Jesus and that has to be good enough for me for now!

Enjoy prosperity while you can, but when hard times strike, realize that both come from God. Remember that nothing in this life is certain. Ecclesiastes 7:14