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Friday, January 13, 2012

January 13, 2011 / BIG NEWS......

January 12, 2012 – Learning to Trust Again…..

By the time I got to my computer this morning and turned it on I wasn’t really geared up for reading devotionals; I’m so glad I went ahead and fought the urge to delete it! The title of this morning’s devotion was “Learning to Trust Again” and I felt it just might speak to me. Then Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?” John 11:40. This was the opening verse of my Proverbs 31 Ministries devotion and it was so fitting at this very moment.

I have been walking through the last few days in fear, sprinkled with a little bit of doubt. I am at a point where I know that God is bigger than life, I know that His plan will prevail no matter how much I worry about things and I know that He has a plan for my family. After Thomas passed away I felt an indescribable peace, one that only comes from Heaven, but I also had an unwanted grasp on the fact that MY plans will not ever be carried out, only God’s plans will be carried out and that leaves me feeling a tad bit helpless. I am a person that loves to hold the reins, I love to know how things will play out and when I cannot “fix” things it upsets me greatly; turning my life over to God in the literal sense is not easy for me. I struggle with this daily, I struggle with letting go of the things I have zero control over and saying, “okay God, do Your thing”. I have never felt betrayed by God, I have always recognized Thomas’ life as God’s will and a life that changed the lives of people I will never meet, I have questioned God’s reasoning but never doubted His love for me; it’s time for the ultimate test of my faith. Drum roll please……We are going to have another baby!

How I handle these next several months will show me where I am in my faith in God and here is why; I’M SCARED TO DEATH! I think it’s only natural that we have some serious reservations going into this pregnancy, but at the same time I have to rely on the same God that has gotten me so far in this past year, to get me through this season as well. It’s so easy for us to tell other’s “just trust in God, He has a plan for you”, “God doesn’t give us more than we can handle” and my least favorite of them all, “if God brings you to it, He will bring you through it”. I think people say these things for many reasons, but when you’re walking on the hot coals yourself, they’re less than comforting! I know that God has a plan, but this is how I think; God also had a plan for Thomas, what if he has that same plan for this baby? What if we get more bad news? What if I miscarry? What if this baby is born with severe handicapping conditions? What if, what if, what if! I know that all parents go through this to an extent, but when you’ve gone through something like we’ve gone through; it’s magnified to the point of intense discomfort. Aaron is surprisingly positive and overly excited; I’m surprisingly realistic, somewhat pessimistic and cautiously excited; our roles have reversed! I need to let go of the fears and just know that God has got this and He knows what is best for our lives; everything He does is based on His love for us. God does allow us to walk through the valley and then uses that for spiritual growth; I feel like I have grown and now I am ready for my mountaintop!

We have a few fun facts about this pregnancy:
  • ·       I took the first test, that was FAINTLY positive, the day before Aaden’s birthday.
  • ·       I had blood work done on Aaden’s birthday.
  • ·       We received confirmation from Dr. Sherman the day after Aaden’s birthday.
  • ·       We will be 19 weeks into this pregnancy on Thomas’ birthday, we found out at 19 weeks that Thomas was “incompatible with life”, that makes this a significant marker.
  • ·       This baby is due the day after my birthday.

I can already see God’s hands all over this pregnancy and I am praying it all works out this time around! I am informing everyone so early because we NEED your prayers. There are some things that I want to ask that you specifically pray for where this pregnancy is concerned.

  • ·       First and foremost, please pray for the health of this baby!!!
  • ·       Please pray for mine and Aaron’s sanity and honestly, the sanity of our family and close friends.
  • ·       Please pray for Dr. Sherman and her staff.
  • ·       Please pray that we are able to rely on God throughout this entire 9 months and never lose faith in His purpose for our lives.
  • ·       Please pray that we make all the right decisions where prenatal testing is concerned.

Thank you all for your ongoing support for the last year; there will be more to this story!


  1. Congratulations!!!!!! So excited for you and please know that I will keep you, your family and all those close to you in my prayers. My prayer for all will be peace and joy - don't be afraid to enjoy this pregnancy, enjoy this baby and embrace every moment of this journey you are on with this baby just like you have with Thomas. What a blessing he has been to everyone, and what a blessing you and your family still are to everyone that knows you. Can't wait to know what Baby Bush is so I can get busy hookin'. Start 'pinning' all the stuff you like so I can get after it. Love you girlie!

  2. You better believe I will be praying for each of your specific requests along with continued healing with Thomas. God bless your family abundantly. Oh, and CONGRATULATIONS!! I have been waiting to see this news on your blog. Very happy for you all.

  3. Your family will definitely be in my prayers! Congratulations!

  4. You stinker! You were indeed pregnant when I asked you about it on FB the other day. Sneaky thing! :)

    So excited for you. Praying for a healthy, happy, sweet baby! Keep us updated.

  5. PS My other girlfriend who had an anencephalic baby in March '09 had a healthy happy baby boy in Dec '10. I'd be glad to put you in touch!

  6. Holly, I am overjoyed with th new of a baby on the way.. You and your family are always on my mind and the funny thing is, I don't even know you... I feel like I know you through your blog.. Please keep us posted on what is going onso we can continue to pray for you....

  7. Holly! I was so excited to read your post! I don't even know you but am beyond excited! I stumbled across your blog and as I read each entry since last January....i cried my heart out but have been so uplifted as well to see where God has brought you. Your faith is so amazing! I am 12 weeks pregnant with my 3rd and reading your blig has made my hug my girls even tighter and truly realize what a miracle the journey is! I will be praying for you and will ask my sunday school class to pray as well.. God has blessed you with two beautiful boys....and a very healthy Aaden. I know He can do it again. Praying!!!!!!!!

    Love in Christ,
    Amanda Folmar

  8. Holly,

    I am beyond overjoyed for you & your precious family! I've had a feeling for a few weeks, honestly, not sure why....I just have! I will keep ya'll in my prayers & specifically the things you asked to be prayed for!!! I think your pregnancy brain has already kicked in though because you titled "BIG NEWS" as last year's date instead of 2012...HA! :D

    You put "January 13, 2011 / BIG NEWS......" Unless I'm missing something...I think it was "momnesia!" ;-)

    Again CONGRATS & thanks for giving us the honor & privilege of you so openly and honestly sharing your life with is so refreshing! You ARE an AMAZING woman!!!


    Tara McCraw

  9. I have followed your blog for quite some time now and continue to be amazed by your grace, courage & strength. May you have peace and abundant happiness on this new journey. Thank you again for sharing your story.

  10. We are praying for you and your baby!!!

  11. Praying! I know this next pregnancy can be really hard, but when I held my rainbow baby it healed parts of my heart I never knew were broken. Keep letting me know how I can pray and help. Trust is so hard sometimes, especially when there is potential for so much pain. I understand.

  12. I am so very happy to hear this wonderful news! I pray that God will ease your fears as you go through this pregnancy and allow you to relax a little (or a lot!) and truly trust in Him and enjoy every moment of this precious new life growing inside you! Congratulations to your sweet family!

  13. wow. i don't know why i decided to look at your blog today. i'm glad that i did. you can do this. prayers, hugs, and love.

  14. Congrats! so excited for you and your family! I do pray that everything works out like it is suppose to & you guys can have another blessing!

  15. It's def normal to have fears or anxiety in a sub preg. I'm in my 2nd sub preg and the fears are a lot less this time but they're still there. Prayers for a happy and healthy preg for you!

  16. Congratulations!! I've been reading your blog since May and was thrilled to see this news. I've been praying for you and your family ever since I found your blog. Now I have another reason to pray for you!

    In addition to a blood clotting disorder, I also have MTHFR. I found out all this after my third miscarriage. I'm now 29 weeks into my rainbow pregnancy.

    I know how the "what ifs" haunt your thoughts. When I find myself lost in those thoughts I think of Isaiah 41:10. "Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."

    I can't wait to see more updates about your newest blessing.

  17. You don't know me from Adam but I have been reading your blog since before Thomas was born and have been keeping up with it since. I found your blog through a friend's blog who had linked someone else's who then linked yours. Blog to blog to blog :) very random but I'm glad I found it. Anyway, I know I am a little late in telling you this but I am thrilled for you guys over the new pregnancy. I will pray long and hard for you guys to have a healthy happy baby and that everything turns out great. I'm probably not saying the right things but just know that you have big prayers coming from Dallas :) (Mesquite to be exact)

  18. I really enjoy following your blog and reading about the strength you gain from God and even telling of your weak moments. I will be keeping you all in my prayers, and am so happy for you!

  19. OMG!!! Praise God!! I am praying sis! :-) What a blessing, God is AWESOME!