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Tuesday, July 26, 2011

July 26, 2011 / "He's my little bud"

July 26, 2011 / MY Boys…..

I’ve had so many people ask me about Aaden; I think most people are just curious about a 3 year old’s ability to process what is happening in his life. I would be lying if I said this wasn’t on the top of my list of things to worry about as Thomas’ birth approached. This entire situation is “on the job training”, not one single person can tell you exactly how to handle things that are thrown at you; you just truly have to commit to the job and hold on tight.

Things with Aaden have certainly been touch and go. For the most part he really doesn’t “get it” and for that, I’m grateful. All he knows of his brother is love and one thing is for sure; he loves his baby brudder. My sweet friend Nan left a special gift for Thomas one day, it’s honestly not any more special than the other gifts that have been left except for what came after. I visited my sweet Thomas one day and had to giggle when I walked up to his spot (I cannot bring myself to call it a grave, not even if my life depended on it) and I saw that someone had left a single marble; I was on the phone with Aaron and we both had a good laugh about it. I honestly thought my niece had done it because we were out there the day before and she was distraught that she was the only one that hadn’t brought anything for Thomas. She was so distraught that she walked the cemetery until she found something to give him. She came running up to me saying, “I got this for Thomas!” and when I asked her what it was she said, “I don’t know!”; cute part is, it was a piece of weed eater string that had been discarded by the yard guys. Did we put it on his spot? Yes we did. Anyhow, after that fiasco I really thought my sister had brought her back out there to leave something else but I was wrong. I later found out that Nan’s father, who is buried near Thomas, had a birthday and she was going to pay him a visit. She apparently started frantically searching her house, a house with no small children or grandchildren, for something to bring to Thomas; she found a marble! I love that marble because of where it came from. I love that Nan loves my baby enough to take the time to find something special to bring him. I love how she said she would bring more out there later so Thomas could share with Aaden. About a week ago I was able to bring Aaden out to the cemetery and I told him that I thought Thomas had something for him; he was beside himself! When we got out there he immediately said, “wow, look at the marbles!” Perfect! I said, I bet Thomas would want you to have one of those; in true brother form, he helped himself to two of them and left only one for Thomas. I told him to hang onto those marbles because they are a precious gift from his brother and he promised he would; he was so proud. We loaded up in the car and guess what?! He dropped a marble! He immediately started crying and yelling at me to find it, poor guy. I wasn’t able to find it but he held onto that orange marble for the rest of the day; he kept it safe just like I asked him to. When he brought it to me that night it was warm from being in his pocket all day long and he said, “here mommy, put this somewhere safe”. It sits on his shelf with his model cars and piggy banks; he loves showing it off.

After that trip out there I started thinking it might be a good idea to start having him share with Thomas as well; some of you might find this odd, but, like I said, on the job training here! I talked it over with him this morning and asked him how he felt about taking something to Thomas since Thomas had shared his marbles with him. He wasn’t terribly crazy about taking one of his toys to leave out there but I eventually convinced him that it was only fair since he had gotten to bring home something that was Thomas’. He carefully selected a green car from his giant box of cars and said he wanted to bring that one to his brother; so we did. He and I spent some time out there and he slammed the car on the bear and said, “I don’t think I want to leave it here”. I told him that we would pick a different toy to bring next week and when we make it back out there he could bring the green car back home; that seemed to make him happy. As we were leaving he told Thomas goodbye and that he loved him and we began chatting about him on the way back to the car. We got about half way there and had really stopped talking when I heard him say, “he’s my little bud”. I asked him if he was talking about Thomas and he said, “yep, he’s my buddy.”

I don’t know if I’m doing things right or not. I don’t know if I’m setting him up for more sadness or if I’m providing him something tangible for an abstract situation. I don’t know when he will fully get it and I certainly don’t know how I will handle it when that day comes. One thing I do know is that my boys love each other. I know that I’m raising an amazing child that knows where love comes from. He doesn’t love Thomas because he’s a good boy, he doesn’t love him because he does things for him, he doesn’t love him for any reason other than; he just loves him!

I am a proud mommy of two boys; one is an angel and the other can act like the devil but has a heart that continues to amaze me. Thank you God for my babies!


  1. I think it is very sweet and when he is older and can't "remember" what happened when he was three, he will have these posts to show how much his mom loved; A true factor is, his heart is pure and I wish we could embrace that innocence again

  2. I love Thomas's marker on his spot. So sweet.

  3. His gravestone is gorgeous! (I know that sounds odd to those of us that haven't agonized about buying one, but it IS beautiful!) I love that you put up a little light for him.

    And you know from our blog we are big supporters of "including" our living children in the grieving nad remembering of our heavenly children. It might look messy, and feel messy, but it is part of the story God wrote in their lives too, to have a sibling die. I applaud that you took him. Thomas needs to be a part of his life too, even if he was young when he came so quickly and left...

  4. Thanks ladies!!!!

    Mary.....Thank you so much for this! It's so hard to know if I'm doing the "right thing" where Aaden is concerned but I do know that I cannot pretend Thomas didn't come and I feel he would resent me a tad if he found out later in life that he had a baby brother. I just want him to feel included in Thomas and I think he does